Relationship Clutter

Is anyone you know frequently treating you poorly and/or draining you of energy? If working on your relationship with a family therapist, couples counselor, or mediator is not helping after considerable effort, it may be time to see the relationship for what it is: clutter. Distancing ourselves from those people whose actions consistently weigh us down can dramatically lighten our load. 

Here’s an exercise:

1.  Repeat this mantra 7 times: "I am the most important person in my life."

  2. Now define your requirements for all of your relationships. For example:
"I surround myself with people who..." 

• Accept me as I am

• Respect my boundaries

• Listen to me

• Keep important promises

• Celebrate my successes

• Light me up

  3. Now think of the person in your life who does not currently meet these requirements and does not seem likely to improve upon them any time soon.

  4. Take a moment to forgive them as best as you can.

  5. Now think about the next time this person tries to involve themselves in your life. How will you respond?

By keeping destructive relationships out of your life, you are taking care of yourself. Before we can satisfy the needs of others, we need to take care of our needs first. 

Note: If you are in an abusive relationship, you are not alone, and there are many resources available for those transitioning into a safer and happier life.

By clearing out our relationship clutter, we are making room for joyful time with ourselves and those who bring out the best in us.